Here is a dating dilemma that you don't hear about every day. I suppose that's because there are so few men out there who still have old fashioned values or act like gentlemen when it comes to dating. We will refer to this man as Oliver..."Old Fashioned Oliver".
Oliver is in his mid 40's and divorced. He is the kind of guy who compliments you on how you look or how your house looks. He never comes empty handed to a party and offers to help out in any way he can. If he sees a woman carrying something heavy he carries it for her. Like I said, he's a real gentleman...good looking too!
Oliver had been dating a woman for close to 10 years but it wasn't going anywhere so they broke up about a year or so ago. He has a home in town and a cabin at a lake. He enjoys fishing and relaxing at his cabin and has been looking for someone to share this with.
Although Oliver gets out and about he hadn't really been dating anyone since his break-up. He was taking his time and looking for Miss Right.
About 4 months ago Oliver met a woman and they have been inseparable ever since. We will call her Miss Right. Miss Right is a few years younger than Oliver, very attractive, vivacious and fun to be with. She is very popular and loves to go out. So Oliver and Miss Right have been spending all of their time together hanging out at the cabin on weekends and going out in town during the week. The only problem is that Oliver has a job and Miss Right doesn't. Miss Right still lives with her parents.
Poor Oliver looks exhausted all the time and has lost weight...but he's happy. Well, he was happy until recently when he got the news that his work hours were going to be cut back from 40 hours a week to 30. Now Oliver is a frugal (not cheap) man and this news was a real blow.
Because Oliver is old fashioned he feels that the man should pay the tab when he is out with a woman. This presents a problem when you are going out four or five nights a week and your girlfriend likes the drinks that cost $4. He tried suggesting that they go out for "dollar draft" night and they did, but Miss Right ordered the imported bottles of beer which cost $4.
Oliver is in quite a dilemma. Because he is old fashioned he cannot bring himself to ask her to order cheaper drinks or to stay home more often. It's not so much that he is afraid that she will break up with him...it's about being a gentleman. He feels that as a man he should be able to give her the things she wants.
You may be thinking, "What kind of a ditz is this woman? Doesn't she know that his hours were cut back? Isn't she considerate of the fact that he is a working man and money doesn't grow on trees?" Well, she is aware of the fact that his hours were cut back. That is all I can tell you.
So, Oliver is still taking her out whenever she wants to go out and paying for her $4 drinks and looks even more ragged than before.
Any suggestions? How do you tell a guy with old fashioned values to stop being old fashioned when it's his nature? What can you suggest to him other than for him to be up front and tell her? Are there any other alternatives other than breaking up with her?
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He has to tell her straight out to be more considerate or if not then stop whining about it. If she wants the more expensive drink then she can pay for it and if he isn't willing to let her pay, then stop going out so much! He seems like a pushover not a gentleman and she is taking advantage of that - they deserve each other!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, a relationship shouldn't be about money. It's nice to get things and give things, but not when you're turning ragged and are physically drained from it all. That's just nuts. Either she should start paying for her 4$ drinks, or he start finding someone who understands his problems and help out/understand.
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